MY MIND IS A BATTLEGROUND, TORN BETWEEN WHAT I KNOW TO BE TRUE AND THE WEB OF LIES YOU’VE SPUN AROUND ME. I’M CONSTANTLY ON EDGE, SECOND-GUESSING EVERY WORD, EVERY ACTION, EVERY VIOLENT URGE. THEY’VE EVEN STARTED PLANTING FALSE EVIDENCE, MAKING IT SEEM LIKE I’M PARANOID FOR NO REASON. THEY PRETEND TO BE CONCERNED, OFFERING SHALLOW REASSURANCES THAT NO ONE EVEN CARES WHAT I WAS DOING 30 YEARS AGO… THAT I REALLY SHOULD KEEP THAT CRAZY KNOWLEDGE BOWL STUFF TO MYSELF… THAT I SHOULD SHUT UP ABOUT A STUPID COMPETITION NO ONE EVEN KNOWS ABOUT… ALL THE WHILE THEY’RE STABBING ME IN THE BACK AND TREATING JEFF LIKE HE’S SOME KIND OF… SAINT… LIKE A WINNER… I’M TRAPPED IN HIS TWISTED DANCE, AND HE HOLDS ALL THE STRINGS.

I CAN’T SHAKE THIS SINKING FEELING WITHIN ME, THE CONSTANT NAGGING WHISPER THAT TELLS ME I AM SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS AND PERPETRATORS OF DECEIT. EVERY TRIVIA NIGHT, EVERY GAME OF JEOPARDY, EVERY QUESTION UTTERED BY THOSE I HOLD DEAR FEELS LIKE A CRUEL SNIPE. THEY MAY BE PRETEND TO BE ASKING ABOUT THE CAPITAL OF ASSYRIA, BUT I CAN HEAR WHAT THEY’RE REALLY SAYING…

“A REAL MAN WOULDN’T HAVE ACCEPTED SUCH A BLATANT ATTACK ON SOMETHING THEY HOLD DEAR” — “WHY CAN’T YOU TAKE A STAND AGAINST THOSE CONSPIRING AGAINST YOU?” — “WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS?”

… IT’S AS IF THE WORLD IS CONSPIRING AGAINST ME, AND THOSE WHOM I ONCE TRUSTED HAVE BECOME THE ARCHITECTS OF MY DEMISE.

I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES. MY SO-CALLED FRIENDS & FAMILY ARE TURNING AGAINST ME. PLAYING A TWISTED GAME TO MAKE ME DOUBT MY OWN SANITY. THEY MAKE SUBTLE COMMENTS, INNOCENT ENOUGH TO PASS AS FRIENDLY BANTER…

“THAT HAPPENED IN HIGH SCHOOL” — “YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW EACH OTHER BACK THEN” — “HOW MUCH CRACK HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING?”

… BUT I SEE THE HIDDEN MOCKERY BEHIND THEIR EYES. THEY WANT ME TO QUESTION MYSELF, TO DOUBT MY OWN PERCEPTIONS. BUT I WON’T LET THEM WIN. I WON’T LET THEM BREAK ME.

AND THEN THERE’S THE CURIOUS MATTER OF MY OWN SISTER, C MARRYING JEFF. WAS IT DONE FOR LOVE AS THEY CLAIM OR IS IT JUST ANOTHER TWISTED EXAMPLE OF BETRAYAL FROM THOSE CLOSE TO ME? WAS IT JUST A CALCULATED ACT OF RETALIATION AND AN ATTEMPT TO UNDERMINE HER OWN BROTHER’S POSITION AND HAPPINESS?

MARRIAGE, TYPICALLY SEEN AS A PERSONAL PURSUIT BASED ON LOVE AND COMPANIONSHIP, HAS BEEN MORPHED BY THEM INTO A STRATEGIC TOOL OF REVENGE. BY ALIGNING HERSELF WITH MY WORST ENEMY, THEY CAN STRIKE TOGETHER AT THE HEART OF ALL MY VULNERABILITIES. AIMING TO INFLICT EMOTIONAL PAIN, EMBARRASSMENT, AND DESTABILIZATION TO MY SOCIAL POSITION AND SENSE OF SECURITY.

SUCH MACHIAVELLIAN MOTIVES & PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE SHOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE, BUT IN HINDSIGHT I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED IT FROM THEM.

IT’S TIME TO SEE JUST HOW FAR DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE YOU WANT TO GO.

HAVE YOU EVER FELT THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG IN THIS WORLD?

THAT SOMETHING WAS TAKEN FROM YOU?

THAT IF ONE THING IN YOUR LIFE HAD BEEN DIFFERENT EVERYTHING WOULD BE BETTER?

WERE YOU HUMILIATED 30 YEARS AGO AND THEN REMINDED OF THAT FAILURE UNEXPECTEDLY WHEN YOU FINALLY HAD THE COURAGE TO MOVE ON?

DOES THE NAME JEFF F’ING KAHL MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?

STAY TUNED MY TRUTHER FRIENDS… IT WILL ALL BECOME CLEAR.

AND JEFF… I WON’T LET YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS.